


Keep Pretending (Possible prologue)

by RakishRebel



Category: South Park
Genre: Drabble, Prologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-12 10:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7099546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RakishRebel/pseuds/RakishRebel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘’You can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that it’s him.’’</p><p>Kenny tries to convince Craig that he should take the path of happiness, but Craig isn't quite convinced he can ever obtain happiness. Or that he deserves it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep Pretending (Possible prologue)

**Author's Note:**

> (I'm thinking of turning this small thingy into the prologue for a HUGE fic I am planning to write. Please let me know what you think!)

‘’You can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that it’s him.’’ 

‘’I can do whatever the Hell I want.’’ Those words were straight to the point, cold and merciless, like a sharp knife cutting delicate skin.

‘’Well, you could, but it’s just that you shouldn’t.’’

Craig practically shoved his raised middle finger into my face and then proceeded to dig that same hand into the front pocket of his black jeans, then into his other pocket, only to come to the conclusion his pockets were empty. He checked the left one again. Then the right one again. A loud groan of frustration escaped from his mouth and Craig stuck out his hand towards me, the palm of it faced upwards. I knew Craig always hid one or two cigarettes in his boots, yet he always forgot something to go with that.

‘’Gimme a lighter, will ya?’’

I sighed, but did open the pocket of my jacket, putting the red lighter in the palm of Craig’s hand. Craig snickered at the picture printed on it, despite having seen it multiple times. I didn’t know who the girl exactly was, but I hadn’t been interested in her identity at the moment of purchasing the lighter. I thought I had been distracted by the lingerie she was wearing. Craig oftentimes referred to me as a horny fuck, but he never came to realise he himself was just as desperate as I was. In a different way, of course, but still desperate enough for me to offer my help to him.

Craig cupped his hand when he lighted his cigarette, his fingers functioning as a shield to prevent the cold Colorado air from extinguishing the little flame. I held out my hand as to get back my lighter, but Craig stretched his arm high above his head, and just when I realised what he was doing, he had already let the device go, that was making a parabolic swing in the air. It landed a few yards away from us and made a ‘’plop’’-sound once it had made contact with the water surface and started to sink.

‘’What the fuck was that for, dude?!’’ I yelled at Craig.

‘’It was almost empty anyways. No biggie.’’ The boy shrugged his shoulders and then set the burning cigarette to his lips. He inhaled the smoke deeply, his chest expanding greatly in the process and then his puckered lips let the smoke leave his body, aiming at the snow below his feet.

‘’So what are you gonna do about… _him_?’’ I asked, shifting my gaze towards the boy’s inscrutable face again. He didn’t notice me at first, but then lazily raised his brow when he did.

‘’Why do _you_ care?’’

‘’You never know whether he feels the same way. He looks like the type who’d fall in love easily.’’

‘’He doesn’t. Not with me.’’

‘’Maybe he does,’’ I further argued with him, but Craig blew the smoke in my face in an attempt to silence me. I wasn’t exactly unfamiliar with tobacco, but damn, the smoke was extremely hot and unpleasant, like that one day back in Summer 2006 when my mom decided it was appropriate to pick me up from school in Daisy Dukes.

‘’Nope. Might as well go back to Denver to that one strip club with that cute brunette. She offered to blow me more than once. Oh wait, that was your sister.’’ Craig made his tongue clack in his mouth and then took another puff from his cigarette.

‘’Very clever. Now are you gonna talk to him, or should I do it for you?’’

I eyed Craig, and I caught how the muscles in his shoulders were suddenly very tensed, as if someone had pulled on invisible strings attached to his body to lift up his torso. It was a very small movement, but easily noticeable, especially because Craig’s eyes were widened too. Craig was fearfully staring into the distance, to the water surface that didn’t show any undulations anymore. He looked as if he expected the Loch Ness monster to pop out from underneath the lake any second now.

‘’Don’t. Don’t talk to him.’’ His voiced sounded rasped, but I doubted that his smoking was the cause of that.

‘’Does that mean _you_ will?’’

‘’None of your fucking business.’’ Craig stomped his foot on a small heap of snow and spread some snowflakes all over the place. I wondered whether Craig wasn’t getting cold feet – I knew those fake-leather boots were totally worn-out and ripped at the toes. Everyone knew – it wasn’t like that was something hard to tell. I wasn’t Sherlock, but I was aware of the reason why Craig wouldn’t purchase a new pair of shoes. He couldn’t.

‘’What’s the worst that could happen? Craig, everyone kinda fears rejection, but that is no reason to hide everything. Remember when Bebe rejected –?‘’

‘’SHUT UP!’’ Craig screamed at the top of his lungs. His raised voice was deep and loud enough to scare away a flock of birds, who all hastily flapped their wings to lift their bodies up high into the air. Craig’s face looked red from anger, a vain was almost bursting beneath the skin of his neck and Craig was breathing superficially, until he thickly swallowed and let his torso fall against the back of the wooden bench. He sighed, closed his eyes, put the cigarette to his lips again, expected me to finally fuck off.

‘’Dude, I-‘’

Craig’s eyes popped open at these two words, as if I had crossed a certain line. As if I had hit the core that was supposed to be hidden beneath a thick layer of denial and aloofness.

‘’Stop it, McCormick!’’ Craig hissed at me in low and angry tones, his head slightly tilted to one side, making a few black locks of hair following his movements. ‘’Shut the _fuck_ \- up! You don’t know _shit_! You want to know why I don’t talk to him?!’’

‘’Dude, calm down. I’m just saying –‘’ I tried, but my attempt was cut off by Craig yet again.

‘’I _know_ he doesn’t feel the same way. He can’t. There is literally no other option. He’ll laugh at me. He’ll be disgusted. I don’t fear rejection like most people do. I fear he’ll find me a pervert, that he’ll think I eye him in the locker room or that I fantasize about him late at nights the way he dreams of those… those double D’s of Bebe or whatever porn star he jacks it to. I… I think he won’t see me like _me_ anymore. That he’ll ignore me. That he will toss me aside faster than I toss away used cigarettes. We won’t be best friends anymore if I tell him. That’s why I can’t tell him. Ever.’’

I felt my jaw dropping and I quickly closed it again. I thought about Craig’s words for a while as we locked eyes for just a second, only to both look away instantly. The sound of our breaths filled the silence between us, but I knew someone had to speak up. Someone had to say something, but what should be said? Once the truth was out, there was nothing left to discuss – the truth was spoken and that was all that counted. Every word I would speak would be as pointless as trying to refill the oceans with small buckets of water, one by one pouring water onto the sand.

‘’You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone. Not your friends, not your family, nobody. Got that?’’ Craig’s grey eyes were pointed at me, simultaneously urgently and hopefully at the same time.

‘’So… does this mean you’ll keep hiding away?’’

‘’You didn’t fucking answer me. Do you promise to keep your mouth shut?’’

‘’But you can’t be happy this way. Do you… do you _fake_ happiness?’’

Craig looked a bit taken aback and I expected him to yell at me, to curse me more times than my mother did on a regular basis. I expected a kick in the nuts, or at least a smack in the face. I expected him to throw me into the lake, to rip the clothes off of my body, but Craig didn’t do either of those things. Instead, he narrowed his eyes at me and tossed his cigarette into the snow. He bored it into the ground with his foot and then proceeded to walk away with a stiff gait.

Craig turned his head towards me after a few steps. ‘’I guess I have no other choice. So you’d better keep your mouth shut.’’

The sound of his voice was almost not intelligible due to a sudden gust of wind blowing air into the wrong direction, but his words were more than understandable.

Craig Tucker had been faking happiness for years. If only someone could break down those heavily secured walls. The truth was known. It just wasn't out.


End file.
